497042 - Suggested edits to the new-account registration email

Status: VERIFIED FIXED

(Websites Graveyard :: mozillaservice.org, defect)

Description

[Stephen Donner [:stephend] Not actively reading bugmail]

(Mary, could you review the following?  Thanks!)

The confirmation email sent for account registrations has a few typos:

Dear Stephen Donner,

[1] We are delighted to let you know, your Mozilla Service Week account has been successfully created.                            
    
* Nit: I wouldn't put a comma in "know, your" -- that's just a style nit, though, and is individual to the speaker's diction.

[2] Please login into your account at any time to add, or update your Mozilla Week Service projects. In your account, you can also add the number of volunteer hours you wish to donate

* "login" should read "log in" (the latter is a verb, the former is a noun)
* extraneous comma in "add, or" ("or" is a conjunction so no comma needed)
* no end comma

[3] Over the coming weeks we will update you on progress, ready for the grand Mozilla Service Week happening September 14 - 21, 2009.

* I'd put a comma in "weeks, ", and I don't understand "ready for the grand..."; seems like the subject/verb agreement is off, there.

[4] You can find more on taking part by visiting http://mozillaservice.stage.mozilla.com/learn_more/volunteer/en_US there you can find some great ideas and suggestions on how to volunteer.

* After the URL, we need a ";" to conjoin the two clauses.

<snip>...

Comment 1

[Austin King [:ozten]]

Assigning to Mary.

Also, please restructure so that we don't have a semicolon next to a URL.

Icky Example:
http://mozillaservice.stage.mozilla.com/learn_more/volunteer/en_US;

Comment 2

[Mary]

Updated!  Is anyone getting an extra space between the first and second paragraphs when they receive the email?  

Also, I think it's redundant to have the sender be "Mozilla Service Week" and the subject "Mozilla Service Week - thank you for registering as a volunteer".  Is there any particular reason we've done this?  If not, the subject should be:  Thank you for registering as a volunteer

Email:

We're delighted to let you know that your Mozilla Service Week account has been successfully created.                               
                               
Please log into your account at any time to add or update your Mozilla Week Service projects. You can also add the number of volunteer hours you wish to donate in your account.

We'll update you on progress over the coming weeks, especially as we get close to Mozilla Service Week taking place September 14 - 21, 2009.

You can find out more on how to participate by visiting the volunteer area of our site [http://mozillaservice.stage.mozilla.com/learn_more/volunteer/en_US]. You'll find some great ideas and suggestions on how to volunteer.

If you already have a project in mind, please tell us what you are planning now! (url to: tell us about your project page) We are excited to hear all about your plans to make a difference in your local community.

We are looking forward to making a difference together!

    - Mozilla Service team

Be the Difference - http://mozillaservice.stage.mozilla.com

Comment 3

[Austin King [:ozten]]

(In reply to comment #2)
Made these changes, except "(url to: tell us about your project page)" I assume is an error.

Also this copy is only the new account volunteer. I've made the same "linking style" change to the new account organization email.

http://mozillaservice.stage.mozilla.com/auth/test_welcome_email/O - this is what the other email's copy says.

Other email copy:
http://mozillaservice.stage.mozilla.com/auth/test_welcome_email/V
http://mozillaservice.stage.mozilla.com/auth/test_fyp_email

Comment 4

[Stephen Donner [:stephend] Not actively reading bugmail]

Verified FIXED -- thanks Mary and Austin!

(http://mozillaservice.stage.mozilla.com/auth/test_welcome_email/O needs tweaking too -- separate bug for that coming.)