717995 - Copy review for privacy email

Status: RESOLVED FIXED

(Marketing :: Copy, task)

Description

[Winston Bowden]

Attachment: Privacy_draft

Hi Matej, 

The privacy team will be sending out a one off email to our entire list on January 28.  It's an annual mailing that outlines our privacy policy and principles.  Would you mind taking a look at what they've put together and polishing it up?

Could you review and return by January 23?

Comment 1

[Winston Bowden]

Hi Matej - just wanted to see if the above deadline works for you.  Thanks!

Comment 2

[Matej Novak [:matej]]

(In reply to Winston Bowden from comment #1)
> Hi Matej - just wanted to see if the above deadline works for you.  Thanks!

Yup, should be fine, but I'll let you know if I run into any issues.

Comment 3

[Matej Novak [:matej]]

Attachment: Privacy email — revised

Made a few changes. Switched the list from bullets to numbers since we talk about six points in the intro. I also think it's more friendly to read that way. I wasn't sure about a couple of things at the end, so I left comments in the doc. Let me know if you have any questions.

Comment 4

[Winston Bowden]

Attachment: Updated_Privacy_Email_Content

Hi Matej - 

Stacy made a couple of additions.  I think it looks good.  Will you take one more quick glance to ensure the edits are consistent with Mozilla voice?

Comment 5

[Matej Novak [:matej]]

Attachment: Privacy email — Jan 24

Just a few small edits from me.

Comment 6

[Stacy Martin [:stacy]]

Thank you Matej for such a fast response!  When I re-read with your changes, I realized I could have made the second example a bit shorter.  Does this look OK?  If so, I will update it in the document you attached.

In the beginning, the Web was simple — connected, open, safe. But as it grew, users faced new challenges, including a lack of choice. At Mozilla, we strive to give you options and make your choices clear.  For example, we use web analytics to help make our sites more useful, but if you don't want your session visit information on our websites to be collected and analyzed, you can use the opt-out mechanisms [LINK to http://www.mozilla.org/en-US/opt-out.html].

Comment 7

[Matej Novak [:matej]]

That looks fine. Just make sure to capitalize "Web" (though not "websites") and remove the extra space between the period and "For example..." (we only do one perios after periods). I had also changed it to "our opt-out mechanisms" in the last line, but I'm OK with it as is if you prefer. Thanks!

Comment 8

[Stacy Martin [:stacy]]

Attachment: Final copy with last updates, approved by Matej

I think this is our final copy.  I made the changes that Matej approved.

Comment 9

[Winston Bowden]

Thanks, Stacy.  

Jess - can you get this loaded up and ready to send Saturday morning?

Stacy - we'll send you a proof prior to sending.

Comment 10

[Jessilyn Davis]

Loaded into Responsys - awaiting your next steps for the managing preferences link :)